Dear Arpita, here it is : ALL About ME... :D

I recently posted a comment on a friend's blog..
it was not specifically addressed to her tho...
and i thought this piece of my mind deserved to go up on my blog tooo...


Hello XXXX (a friend@IMI) ...

okayy ... I will make this quick...
u write really well
I dunno much abt ur creative writing skills, but ur expression, well articulated thoughts, theories ..
innocent and thought provoking questions ...
I am proud of you!
I mean you are GOOD. Really GOOD. and I loooove the rhythm in ur bit of verse... and the subtle melancholic pleasure that it conveys .... oooooohhh..
ur good!! ..
seriously..

But I cannot resist saying more this time, unlike last time, when I deleted a lot of what I had typed for comments on your previous post..

I know exactly what you mean. Things that you say. And Things that you dont.

Howeverrrrrr...
{m=I think it is understood that I have written in the first person, but I here does NOT stand for me}
My feelings are my property- so are my tears.. my melancholy, my mourning... I can rejoice in self-pitying to kill my pain... I can chuck my tears and go on with life.. I can drown myself in an ocean of tears .. or a bottle of hydrochloric acid, for that matter.
Even though people may call it a defeatist attitude, I have full liberty to feel hurt and live with the hurt- or even- die with it!
I am answerable to no one, except my loved ones/family.

But trust me, I donot have any right whatsoever to impose my feelings upon any other- unless I know (honest-to-god) that such a bond had been committed indeed!..
I cannot put anyone on trial for being wonderful, for ushering light and joy and hope in my life!!
Certainly not!
they are wonderful, sure!!
Maybe the most wonderful soul I have ever known- but :
Can I claim the same about my presence in their lives?
Worse, Can I force/impose the same about my presence in their lives?

Can my right to finding the ultimate embodiment of my highest purpose/attributes in life, impinge on theirs? Or anyone's?

Can I punish anyone for being wonderful?
and wonderful towards me in particular?

Can I take it to the extent that they lose the innate goodness- the inherent, innocent quality that exuded the wonderful aura - the warmth extended to all by defualt?
The warmth and unattached affection of which I too was a natural beneficiary?

Can I make them regret the fact of being themselves?
Make them regret the first moment when they extended an innocent hand of Friendship towards me, amongst many others??
When I accepted the hand- did I not know what I was getting into??

Can I push someone like that to the verge of hatred towards myself, and therefore towards their own self?

Ultimately, can I do this to myself?
End up being broken in spirit at the total loss of someone, who by my standards, is a real gem?
Just coz I was bent on having it studded on my heart?.. rather than cherishing the treasure, as it was meant (and allowed itself)to be...

Maybe as I pine for this gem, someone else silently offers the same prayers for me every night?

Someone whom I know and like ..but who does not conform to my definition of The One- If such a situation did exist? Would I let go of my conception of the highest order/ purpose in life .. and settle for the mere Good .. just coz they are mere Good?!
No! Certainly not...
I know the devotion towards finding the Ultimate Truth for my life, and if given a chance I would never let go of it... even if that means hurting the other in the process (however difficult that would be)
Then what right do I have to deprive anyone else of the same right in their lives?

Remember, many people will have many opinions...
If there is a reason that you rated the one person above them all, then trust their position above that of the rest..
Search for an honest answer in your heart of hearts..
and you will find it there..
What you find outside, is likely to be less of truth.. more of lies masquerading as truth, meant to be music to your ears and a balm for your aching heart...

I know I have blabbered too much.. maybe more than I have the authority to.
Let me assure you, I think you are one of the better souls I have come across in life- and I hate to see you hurt yourself over such an inane issue- which a part of many people's lives.. it is a phase that will pass. It's in your hands, to make it a learning experience, or a dirty/ugly chapter in your life.
And this was addressed not only to you.. but to everyone else who must understand this
(I am sure it is not as easy to be in your/their shoes... easier said than done, I know, still..)
This is meant for everyone else who must know..
Dont crucify people for being good. Already, people are losing faith in the innate goodness of man.
Else,as they say,

Once bitten, Twice shy...

Cheers and God bless...